Teach Me to Trust So, just before I retire I get a lead from a friend on a contracting job that seems like a perfect fit for me. In fact if you took what I did for 10 years at Barksdale and wrote a job description from it, that was it. So, I interview for it and the gov't leads like me so much they're willing to wait 5 weeks and they cancel all the other interviewees. And I negotiate and get a great salary.

And I start work. And pretty quickly I can tell something isn't right. I can't do what I was hired to do, because everytime I try to move forward on something my boss blocks me. "Don't tell them they can do that." "Don't go ahead with that until we talk about it." "Let's sit down and discuss this." Only, we never talk about any of it and we never discuss it. I get blown off. I get left hanging. I get mixed messages. And I can tell it's not good. I tell my on-site supervisor all these issues and she says, "I haven't heard anything bad, so don't worry." And I know that's the wrong answer, but the pay is great, so I hang in there and try to do what I know I need to, even though I know I'm destined to fail.

So, 10 days ago two guys from the corporate come out to discuss some concerns the gov't lead has expressed. And I tell them about the issues I'm having, and I point out that I've discussed these things with the on-site supervisor. And she sits there and doesn't say a word. And I know right then I'm screwed. But the guys give me their advice on how to fix the situation and I say I'll do what I can. But I know.

So I continue to try and do my job. I coordinate what I need to coordinate. And I gather the data I need to gather. And I answer the questions I get asked. And I impress everyone else I deal with and develop a rapport with the ones she says are difficult and hard to work with. And somewhere, deep down, I know it doesn't matter. And I know she's blaming me for the stuff that isn't getting done because she won't let me do my job. Because she couldn't manage her way through a revolving door. Her leadership style is non-existent. And she's too hung up on the personalities that she doesn't like and the politics of the organization. In 20 years in the Air Force I've seen incompetence promoted and rewarded, but this lady takes the cake. And I know I'm going to pay the price.

So this morning, I'm working away, and the on-site supervisor walks in my office and drops the bomb. And she reads me the termination letter. And she asks for my badge & my parking pass. And she treats me like a complete stranger, which makes And they watch me pack my desk and they walk me to my car. And I drive home and break the news to my wife.

And I know this is for the best. Because I was never going to feel fulfilled there, no matter how much they paid me. And God was opening other doors of opportunity for me 3 days ago. Before I ever had a clue I was going to be cut loose by a compnay that I was told "treats you like family." Yeah, right! And I interviewed for another position less than 4 hours after the family stuck me up against a wall and put a bullet through my brain. ANd I have friends who are already working in their companies to find me something. And I'm waiting to see where this leads and I know it will be good. But I'm afraid before that it's going to hurt like heck.

So God, I feel like Mother Theresa. "I know God won't give me more than I can handle... sometimes I just wish He didn't trust me so much!"

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the Lord.  ¶ Friday, August 08, 2008